Change can reflect our grandest hopes and dreams. It can reveal our greatest fears. On some level we all want change. But many times we are slow to embrace it, almost resistant. When it comes to making changes we are often very patient and understanding with ourselves. We give ourselves great latitude and room for failure. But when the change involves other people we are much more demanding, far less inclined to give them the benefit of grace. We want them changed yesterday (if not sooner). Oftentimes we require great change from them but we remain convinced that we really have no need for change. “You are the problem. If you would just change, this relationship would work. Everything would be so much better.” We might not say it but we all think it to one degree or another. In the realm of relationships we are quick to place the full weight of change on the other person.
The reality is that when God speaks of change He places the emphasis and need at our feet. The unchanging One reveals to us that so many times we are the breakdown in the process. We are the monkey wrench that has been tossed into the machinery of our own relationships. We are our own worst enemy. We are the problem. Most of us have learned the hard way that we are powerless to change the other person. Nagging won’t do it. Screaming and yelling only lead to greater difficulty. The wall of silence only provides the illusion of peace. Begging. Bribes. Punishment. Discipline. We try so many different things in an effort to get the other person to change. But it never works. We only grow frustrated and the relationship only gets worse. And the whole time we fail to look in the mirror. We refuse to recognize or admit our own culpability. I am not perfect. Far from it. But I forget that. If my relationships are going to change, then that change has to begin with me.
Change begins with the mind. When I begin to think differently then I will begin to act differently. This is far more than just rolling up my sleeves and determining to be different. I am broken. I am bankrupt. Apart from Christ I can do no good thing. Without Him I can no more change the way I think than I can change the color of my skin. That type of transformation in thinking comes only from one place. His Word. His Word transforms my thinking. His Word transforms me. His Word, in turn and in time, will transform my relationships. If I truly want change, then I must begin with His Word. If love is the missing element, I need to find, read, and memorize verses on love. Maybe the issue is hurt and bitterness. Search His Word for those passages that deal with healing and forgiveness. Trust? Peace? Intimacy? God’s Word has an answer for our every need. But if we want to experience lasting change it has to be built upon His unchanging Word.
The world says, “They are the problem,” always looking to cast blame at someone else’s feet. That doesn’t work. It just creates more alienation and separation. Stop casting blame and start taking responsibility. You can’t change the other person but through God’s Word you can bring change to yourself. That is the starting point…His Word. As His Word transforms my thinking I become a new person. As I become a new person God begins to work through me to impact those around me. A broken tool can fix nothing. Focus on the thing that needs to repaired. Look to yourself. And look to His Word. Change will be coming!
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